What can AA (and all of it’s offshoots) teach us about community building?

Why is AA the most popular way to get sober? Why does AA have a success rate that is as high, if not higher than any treatment program? How can a program that doesn’t enforce any requirement except, “keep showing up” possibly compare with expensive, empirically studied programs?

Because AA is simply a community of people that have “been there and done that”. That’s it - they aren’t experts, they aren’t smarter or more important than anyone else; they are just a voluntary collection of people that have the similar goal. It’s a community of people where you aren’t judged or made to feel shameful for the things you’ve done or the things you think about. 

You immediately know that you are amongst “your people” when someone shares a story that is similar to yours (one that you never speak aloud because it makes you want to curl up and die in a ball of guilt and shame) and no one bats an eye or flinches or reacts in any tangible way. The person that shared is thanked for their share, others comment about feeling or doing something similar and it feels as if the collective weight of the room has lessened by 100lbs.

Outside of those rooms, they might feel like an outcast, or the black sheep, or a failure, but when they are in that collective space they are no longer alone. And life might still be hard but that room means that it doesn’t have to be hard AND lonely. 

Why is Vanessa Roberts the exact right person to create our community FounderWell?

Every meeting Vanessa has with a founder runs over in time. As the neurotic, time centered, rigid ½ of this team, it drives me batty and I silently huff while I wait for her… until she jumps into our call and tells me the details of the meeting and explains how the conversation turned into a therapy session centered around the meat of FounderWell. Every single session Vanessa has with a founder reinforces why FounderWell is needed…

Vanessa has the innate ability to create safety and comfort in every conversation which allows people to open up and be vulnerable. And because she’s “been there and done that” she knows the importance of holding space and allowing vulnerability to live without shame or judgment. 

Does this Sound Familiar?

Imagine that you’re a founder, in charge of a group of people; you’re working long hours and aren’t giving your family equal parts of you; and you’re trying to raise capital to keep things moving ahead. Every night you struggle to fall asleep because you’re worried that you’re making the wrong moves; you’re stressed, you’re eating like shit, and you are questioning everything.

Who are you going to talk to about all of that?

• You start to open up to your spouse one night, explaining how hard it is, and how you’re overwhelmed, and how you don’t know whether you’re making the next right move. Instead of listening and holding space, they interject with the things you’re missing out on at home; and they say “if it isn’t fun anymore why are you choosing that over us?”
• You are talking with your COO and slip into vulnerable territory mentioning that you’re questioning a major decision you’re making and you’re worried about how it will impact the funding. You say that you are scared and feeling lonely and isolated. You see a flash of panic cross their face and fear they just lost faith in you.
• You venture out of your comfort zone and schedule to see a therapist. You spend 30 minutes sharing about your thoughts and feelings and fears. You express that you aren’t sleeping, are fighting with your spouse, don’t know if you even want to be a founder anymore. You’re met with generic responses to “practice self care”, and to “turn off your phone 1 hour before bed” and suggestions to meditate and to “try to slow down.”

Your life is unique - you’re facing challenges that aren’t the same as anyone else in your life and you can’t open up to JUST anyone…

Now, let’s imagine that same scenario but instead of feeling like there is no one who “gets you”, you log into FounderWell. You see posts from people expressing support for one another in a way that makes sense. You read questions that sound like the thoughts in your head (the ones that you shudder to think about saying aloud). There are founding members and mentors that have obviously been there and done that and they’re nonjudgmental and welcoming. The moderators and admins are guiding connections and helpful in directing members in the right way.  

In the same way that AA is a community of those whose only goal is to stay sober today, and to help the next person to stay sober; FounderWell is a community of those whose goal is to thrive in entrepreneurship and not just survive.

Startup life is hard, entrepreneurship is hard... but it doesn't have to be hard AND lonely.

Emily 

Co-Founder @ FounderWell

Emily@founderwell.com